How to Be an Effective Lover

All along for 5 decades of my life after adolescent, I have been on the lookout for finding a beloved with crashes instead of crushes, accidents instead of coincidences, and other failures of various kinds. Through these experiences, I realized why I have been failing in my searches. To share the secret with my friends, I am here with this historical piece of mine.

I began this piece with a title 'How to become a true lover', then I realized that word 'true' is highly subjective and difficult to judge, though every lover calls himself a true lover. So, I changed the word 'true' for 'effective' which means that your beloved must realize that you are her true lover. Else, whatever truthfulness you may have in your love, you are not effective and may end up with a failure in love.

Being effective in love is a matter of understanding women psychology in general and your beloved's psychology in particular with due considerations to her age. The most pleasing way for a woman is to go on saying 'yes' to her views and conducts, but this is not possible for everyone.

First of all, a person is required to deal with him/herself in a satisfactory way irrespective of whether he/she gets the desired love or not. No person can be true to others if he/she is not true to him/herself. So, understand first who you are based on what you want from a prospective beloved - your priorities for a relationship out of sex, togetherness, emotional bonding, intellectual synergy, support you need and you may provide, etc. Based on this, try choosing someone with the same priorities instead of wasting time on everyone you meet. For example, my own priority order is like this -

1. Emotional bonding,
2. sex, and
3. intellectual synergy.

Other things are immaterial to me though togetherness is desirable for all the above things to be achieved.

Dealing with the partner is what makes you an effective lover or not. I had a long-standing problem on this account. My view has been that every relationship needs reprogramming of two minds in accordance with the other and then only the two can proceed on the relationship. I had been proved wrong again and again on this count. Women do not agree to reprogram themselves so easily except under compulsive circumstances. For example, in an arranged Indian marriage, women immediately surrender to the husband and reprogram their lifestyles in accordance to their new homes. But this is done only when they find no other way. For a modern woman with free mind and lifestyle, don't expect that she is going to reprogram herself to suit you.

Just soft-pedal in dealing with your partner as if dealing with a child and just keep on watching her footsteps as if you are agreeing with her. Women are more sensitive than men and she will soon come to understand your mind and will look for what you expect from her. It is your turn to suggest her what you want, how you want, why you want, etc.

We all consider ourselves as sufferers at the hands of others we trust. Women have this feeling much stronger than men have. Look at your partner's past to find out where she really suffered and where she felt to have suffered. Your women wants you to compensate her for her past sufferings through the new relationship, and surely, it is just a psychological deal. Make her feel that you realize her sufferings and are willing to compensate for every deficiency she had in her past life.

Most often, her complaint is that she was never loved truly and that she was misused by the men in her life. To compensate her, display showering your love on her at every possible opportunity to make her feel that she is in safe company now. This is enough to initiate her into showering her manifold love on you. You, thus, prove your effectiveness of a lover.

Arts are great in impressing women and everyone has some sort of artistic touches in his/her personality. Artists are considered to be soft-minded persons and women love them more. Discover the artist within yourself and let it be put on display before your beloved whatever way is possible for you. Conversely, women hate tough-minded men whether they are right or not. So, never take a tough stand in dealing with your soft-cored beloved, the women so naturally are.