Cause, Reason and Purpose of a Relationship

About a year back, on my comment in a discussion on facebook regarding women’s respectability, a woman from Australia sent a personal message to me commending on my comment adding that if all men were to think like me, the world would have been a lot different. She was 40, and a recently divorced then, hence was forced to take care of her five children as a single mother. She became my friend on the site and she used to chat with me once/twice a month in-spite of her being extremely busy with her duties as a nurse at night time and caring for the kids during day time.

A few months back, she during a chat with me, expressed her desire for establishing sexual relationship with me for which she proposed that she would be visiting me occasionally, and after staying with me for a few days would go back to attend to her duties. I told her that this was infeasible for my staying in a backward village in India where reaching is not that convenient. Instead, I proposed that I find a job and resettle myself in Australia and we stay together for life after getting married there. She liked the idea of my moving to Australia but did not agree for marriage and staying with me. She wanted only a free sex life with me which I did not agree.

I explained to her that for the last 16 years, I have not touched any woman because I have not any emotional feelings for any in my contact and without those, I can’t have just a sexual relationship. For emotional attachment, there need be a purpose and that can be an ultimate marriage only. After that, we lost touch with each other.

That instance often comes to my mind when I think on man-woman relationship, and various thoughts have evolved over the issue since then. Here is what I think about cause, reason and purpose of a man-woman relationship.

I find that needs of both for finding a compatible soul-mate and possibility of satisfying this need with each other is the only reason for a humane male-female relationship. A relationship just for occasional sexual pleasures is not humane but a derivation of past wild character of humanity. Thus, elimination of worries of loneliness is the cause of a relationship.

Firstly, I must explain difference between a cause and a reason, since these two words are often used as synonyms. A cause is that which has a seed of genesis of the phenomenon. Reason is an after-thought of an existing phenomenon providing justifications for it.

Reason for a relationship is satisfaction of the two through fulfilment of mutual needs of care and share, without which even an established relationship breaks down. So, mere elimination of worries of loneliness is not enough for sustenance of the relationship, though that was enough for establishment of the relationship.

Third ingredient of a healthy relationship is the purpose of the relationship which is always contentment in life or some aspect of it. This purpose is realized only when the relationship is established and the two in the relationship feel contented with each other and as if something missing in their respective lives is attained. This is also different from the cause and reason of the relationship discussed above which are, respectively, a need and satisfaction of that need after the relationship is established. Fulfilment of the purpose provides lifelong support to the relationship.